"i. It’s okay if you think things are happening slow. There is no need to rush. It all happens at the right moment. Remember: not all trees bear fruit at the same time.
ii. Learn how to be softer. Teach your hands to be gentler this time. Teach your feet to slow down.
iii. You might not find all the answers that you are looking for, but don’t you ever get tired searching.
iv. Let sadness in, let it touch you. Let it sit in the kitchen table. Share coffee with it in the morning. Let it walk next to you on days when you yearn for company and don’t find it, but don’t you ever let it consume you. Don’t you ever let it consume you.
v. On days when you feel that there are land mines everywhere and everything is just blowing up in your face. Close your eyes. Take in all the quiet, the stillness. Even if it is only small, hold on to that.
vi. You are not born in this world only to confine yourself in cages. Open your palms. Sometimes, it is even you who is holding the key. Let go.
vii. Watch the sun set if it has been long since the last time you’ve seen it. Look up at night when you cannot remember anymore where Orion is. It’s been long since you’ve been to the ocean, so go. You are not made of plastic, or metal, or screws. You are still part of this world.
viii. Stop saying and start doing.
ix. People will still leave. Some will choose to, but some will not want to but has to. Let them. Nothing in this world is permanent. Cherry blossoms look the prettiest when they fall.
x. Hold someone’s hand so tight you forget which one is yours. Kiss the boy you like under the full moon if you haven’t yet. Say I love you, and mean it. Mean it."

— A Small List of Things to Remember This Year (via focloir)
July  30   ( 89 )

Multiple photographs flashed in front of me as the screen projected several slides. I stared at each photograph pass as I felt a chip on my throat. I was trying to hold my tears back when I saw a photo of a mother and a father embracing their children. I felt the blithe on their eyes upon seeing it and I remembered my family. I remember those days when we would dress up nicely to attend mass and afterwards, watch a movie on the cinema, have dinner together, or go to a studio to have a family portrait. We used to have lots of photos together. Both happy ones, and serious ones. I miss the wholeness and the smiles we had. I miss the bonding and the sweetness my parents had. I miss my brother and my sister because as we grew older, my siblings and I grew apart. I wouldn’t say we were ever close. We fought, we yelled, we laughed, like all other brothers and sisters do, but I never opened up, or told them how I felt. I didn’t think it mattered to them, I didn’t think I mattered. At once, I had opened my mouth and told them what I wanted to do for my future, my goals, my ambition, my passion. As I was talking, no heads were turned towards me, no ears were opened up to listen. So slowly, I cleared my throat and stopped. The only thing I’d wish right now is for us to be happy again, to be whole again. It’s been years since we last went out on a trip together. We may have traveled different places already but we haven’t been in the same place together. I may not show it to them but I’ve been yearning for the love we used to share.

They say that a family cannot be broken by anything. But maybe they’ve never sat on their beds and stared up at their ceiling and realized that they have been lost in their whole lives, and that they have always been homesick.

I was in a photo studio yesterday and I longed for a family’s touch // unsteadytides

July  29   ( 1 )


“If I should have a daughter…“Instead of “Mom”, she’s gonna call me “Point B.” Because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.”

She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that Wonder-woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried.

And “Baby,” I’ll tell her “don’t keep your nose up in the air like that, I know that trick, you’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else, find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him.”

But I know that she will anyway, so instead I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boats nearby, ‘cause there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix. But that’s what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything if you let it.

I want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat, to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on the pin point of a human mind. Because that’s how my mom taught me. That there’ll be days like this, “There’ll be days like this my momma said” when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say “thank you,” ‘cause there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it’s sent away.

You will put the “wind” in win some lose some, you will put the “star” in starting over and over, and no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.

And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive but I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.

“Baby,” I’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier but your papa is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.”

Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.

Your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing and when they finally hand you heartbreak, slip hatred and war under your doorstep and hand you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.”


— If I should have a daughter, Sarah Kay (via 50shades-of-you-and-i)
July  29   ( 1203 )
July  28   ( 3 )

"i. She’s a mere whisper away, even through the darkest of nights, bleak and thin. A whisper in which I can hear her soft exhale under the very warmth of her voice. She sighs, I sigh.
“What’re you thinking about?”
Even when she’s over a three-thousand kilometers away, she’s here, with me, right now. It’s magic, really. There isn’t any other way of explaining it. A love like this isn’t something that can be explained through words, phrases or even thoughts – but through actions.
“Why are you so perfect?”
It’s the type of love you’d die for, yet it’s the one you never saw coming.
“I’m not. You are.”
But at the same time, it’s the one you know you deserved all along.
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
ii. In the black, empty, room I lay in, my arms crave nothing but to be gently wrapped around his body. While lost in my thoughts, I finally break the silence.
“Do you love me?”
“Yes, of course.”
I need to hear the sweetness of his voice to feel okay, and sometimes I don’t know if it’s good or bad that the only thing I’m scared of in this world is losing him.
“I need you, here.”
They say you can’t make homes out of people, especially people miles away, yet when he let me into his heart, I never left. I rearranged the furniture, planted seeds in the cracks and made blossoms bloom in the dullest places. I stitched together the broken seams.
“I need you here, too.”
In him I found love. A love that is unlike any other, a love people like me and him searched for all our existence. We finally found it. We will never lose it."

i.c. & m.b. // “she and he”
a collaboration
(via delicatepoetry)
July  28   ( 915 )
"The saltwater was up to our chins, the sunset was taking every last orange pulp half of the earth has borrowed from it. My hair was tangled between your fingers when you asked me if it was possible to see the sunset underwater. I tell you, yes. You tell me, no. We fight over the littlest of things. We blame the moon, we blame the atoms that exist in the universe, and every salt between our lips when we kiss. I will never get tired of fighting you, you said. I will never get tired of being wrong as long as you are right here, a reminder of the one thing that endlessly feels right."

Kharla M. Brillo, He kept losing but he never lost me.
(via pouvoires)
July  27   ( 351 )
"I don’t want a love with soft edges
or a love that’s gentle, polite or timid.
I want a love that licks its lips
and begs for seconds.
I want a love that breaks headboards
and disturbs the neighbours.
I want a love that sleeps in
and a love that stays out late.
I want a love that smears its lipstick
down my neck like warpaint.
I want a love run wild.
I want a love like sun fire.
I want a love that starts riots
and roars in defiance.
I want a love that’s mad,
fierce and full of fight.
I want you, now, here, all night."

Beau Taplin || I want you, now, here, all night. (via afadthatlastsforever)
July  27   ( 2075 )

My obsession for bands lately. 

( Thank you very much for printing the shirt, Kat! )

July  23   ( 3 )

To all the teenagers who think they have it worst.

Tell me you have it worst if you have a family that does not appreciate you or even want you to follow the foot steps of your dreams. Tell me you have it worst if they keep on pulling you down, telling you that you aren’t responsible enough to achieve anything. Tell me you have it worst when you have both of your parents in the same house but they never talk to each other. Tell me you have it worst if your progenitors aren’t together anymore. Tell me you have it worst if you have a handful of ailments that have been constantly ruining your fantasy. Tell me you have it worst if you can’t tell people whether you’re fine or not, if you can’t speak the words you want to speak, and if you are often silent because you are afraid of what might the people around think when you start talking. Tell me you have it worst if you had your heart broken a dozen of times. Tell me you have it worst if you have a phobia in being embarrassed because you’ve been in several scenarios that have mortified you and made you awfully weak. Tell me you have it worst if you inhale everything around you, even the ones that prick your skin, burn your eyes, and slice your soul. Tell me you have it worst if you don’t have enough ability to make your love ones proud. Tell me you have it worst when all you want to do is to fall into your lover’s arms but you can’t. Tell me you have it worst if you don’t go to church with your family as a whole anymore, if your Sundays aren’t what most people call a “family day”, and if you long for a bonding since you were 10. Tell me you have it worst if you aren’t sure of what you will be in the future and if you are being dragged down by your own mother. Tell me you have it worst if you hear the screams of your parents’ arguments everyday, and if you are deafened by your mother’s complains. Tell me you have it worst if you aren’t given the chance to shine, and if you had numerous of chances to take but had zero confidence to actually ace them. Tell me you have it worst when you are being judged by your own friends, and if you’ve lost a couple of twenty people. Tell me you have it worst if no one, even your father, understands you. Tell me you have it worst if you don’t feel “home” in your house and you desperately want to run away. Tell me you have it worst when you are imprisoned by your own insecurities. Tell me you have it worst if you are distanced miles away from that one person you want to be with. Tell me you have it worst if you have a disease that is unbearable and that is impossible to be healed, if you are both emotionally and physically sensitive and unstable, and if you’ve tried killing yourself for fifteen times but you aren’t courageous enough to do it because you care about your family.

Tell me you have it worst if you have encountered all of these. And if you haven’t, darling, you don’t have it worst. You have a family that loves you dearly. You have your friends with you to understand you. You are more than what people tell you. You are more than the bandages you tuck in your pockets in case your heart or body bleeds. You are more than the paint splashed late at night when your ears are ringing from the overwhelming silence around you and when your eyes open the floodgates of pain. You are more than the screams and cries you gather and store in your lungs. You are more than the deserts, train tracks, and road cracks you’ve mapped on your body. You are more than the voices in your head suffocating you in their whirlwind of lies and drowning you in their abyssal sea of darkness. You are more than words.

And if you have experienced or if you are experiencing all of the things that I have stated above, brighten up a little, because you are not alone.

July  20   ( 3 )

channeling my digital artworks for the past 5 years

July  19   ( 4 )

  • I feel like everyone’s improving and I’m here, stuck in the grave that I dug myself years ago. I’m trying and I’ve been trying to be better but everything’s just not enough. This is beyond cliche but I don’t feel good enough.
  • I get jealous over things I shouldn’t be jealous of. I am more insecure than most people could even imagine and I’m afraid that these will eat me alive one day.
  • I’ve been craving for a love so deep but I always feel like I don’t deserve it.
  • I used to look at you and think that I did not deserve you one bit.
  • I knew I was too deep and was about to drown when I started imagining you sitting beside me at 3 am and when I started getting upset when you would take a while to reply.
  • Everything piles up in my head. They slip into my stomach more and more each day and they’re getting heavier and it’s a really shitty burden to carry them everyday.
  • I’ve stared at the words I’ve typed. God, you’re awful, I think to myself. You’re just the worst per- and then my mom opened the door and interrupted my train of thought. She wanted to know if I was doing fine. I told her I’m great and she leaves. Delete. Start again. Delete. Start again. Delete. I have been slacking off my writing for a very long time now.
  • I’ve given up on so many things, I’ve wasted so many chances, I am way too shy to actually make a move, and all it would have taken to succeed was just the smallest bit of self-motivation and confidence. Damn it, I am so disappointed of myself.
July  18   ( 2 )

July 13, 2014. I hope I made you happy. 

July  13   ( 5 )

"They laugh until laughing makes them kiss.
They kiss until kissing makes them laugh."

— Sarah Ruhl (The Clean House)

A preview of today in crappy video quality.

Here’s to the boy who holds a rainbow with his one hand and chases storms on the other one.

Tomorrow is supposed to be your first birthday with me but I unfortunately could not make a way to celebrate it with you since you’ll be in Manila. But I hope this one worked and that the surprise did not fail. God, I was so stressed the whole week because of the time management between school work and the plans I had to arrange. I was so tensed and nervous the whole morning. I had to ask everyone to cooperate and I even requested for our song to be played. I was even shaking and I almost broke my phone but wow it was all worth it right after I saw you smile and right after you hugged me.

I won’t be able to see you tomorrow but please do think of me and the line of those days when our eyes were worn out and our jaws were painful from smiling. Think of me and my eyes that are staring at yours. Think of me and my hands clutching into yours. Think of me, who has hope in the words you write and the stars you create. Think of me because I will be there, beside you. Think of me because no matter how down you are, I will always be that wobbly-kneed, torn-apart girl who will hold you together with trembling fingers and quivering lips. I will be there when your heart runs out of love and your eyes coughs up darkness. I will be there when you are solitude and when you are bliss, when you are tears and when you are lovely giggles. Think of me because even when I’m not with you, I will always try to find a way to make you feel that I am. Remember that you are the sky, and I am the ocean, and we will always be there to count on each other with our suns and moons and stars.

Thank you for every ecstasy that you have given me for the past 10 months. Thank you because you saw me struggle and yet, you never left. You are aesthetically full of kindness. So, please stay that way.

Happy birthday in advance, you beautiful soul. If I could, I would barge into your house right now and thank your parents for your mere existence. 

I love you so fucking much.

( Also, thank you for the incredible help, Polo, Carlo, Jayann, Kim, Dhey, Yeng, Lyle, and all the other people who were there. I appreciate you guys so much )

July  13   ( 5 )

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up."

Mark Twain (via feellng)
July  6   ( 1263 )